I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
