When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
