Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
