Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
