TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
