Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
