it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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