FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
