you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
