we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize