i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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