Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
