it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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