Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
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