garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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