She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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