It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
