the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
