Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
