I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
