she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
