one might say we're banned from that church
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
