Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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