I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
