I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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