Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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