Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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