out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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