he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So vagazzling was a success
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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