loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I miss vodka workout Fridays
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Terrible idea I love it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
