Just took my morning after pill in the library
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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