Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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