We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
