i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize