I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
