I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
