all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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