we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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