i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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