This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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