dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
