I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
