if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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