For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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