I will die if light touches me.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
