I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
