actually, I'm a sock model
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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