You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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