I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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