Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
