My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
