i jhust puked up my retainher.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
