are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize