Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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