My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
