told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
