i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm just crazy horny about you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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