she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize