her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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