Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
