I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
