She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
