What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
