there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
