I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Someone signed my nipple.
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