If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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