You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
