you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
