you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
