I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
