the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
