I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
