Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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