Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Girls should come with a carfax report
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
