Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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