literally had 100 drinks last night.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm too high and old for this...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
