Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
